Alternate title: Omg, OMG OMG OMG -deep breath- OMG OMG OMG
I’m scheduled for an anterior bladder repair tomorrow. It was supposed to be a week from tomorrow but a spot became a available. Lucky me? I haven’t decided yet.
Fair warning, I’m going to try to stick to medical terms and explanations as much as possible in this post, but one of my coping methods is inappropriate humor so you’ll likely see a fair amount of that too.
For Example, Alternative title #2: OMG They’re going to cut open my vagina tomorrow!
To explain the situation as best I can, the gyno-urologist is going to correct a prolapse of the bladder into the front of my vaginal wall. Nothing is falling out, like can happen in uterine prolapse (which I don’t have, thankfully), but the bladder is pressing against the front wall of my vagina which in turn is causing the massive IC (interstitial cystitis) flare that has been going on since mid November. Here are a few links that explain it in medical terms. (warning, explanatory pics involved)
Cystocele Aka: Anterior Prolapse
Cystocele Treatments : The surgery is what I’m having, I currently have a pessary, which I’ll get to in a moment.
Interstitial Cystitis : The chronic bladder condition I have that is being greatly exacerbated by the prolapse.
So, long story short, I’ve been in varying amounts of pain from the IC that has greatly impacted my quality of life since just before Thanksgiving. I’ve been put on numerous medication and done bladder instillations to try and get the pain under control so I function like a normal person and do things like get out of the house, or even sit up straight for more than 30 minutes. I’ve missed a lot of things over the last few months, like holiday celebrations, hockey games, kids school programs and just generally being able to be out and about with my family and do things like go to movies or the park.
More and More I noticed that gravity was having a direct effect on my pain levels. We never I’d had the prolapse for awhile, but it hadn’t caused any major symptoms until recently. If it weren’t for the IC, it might not have caused me any problems at all for a long while yet. Last week we decided to try using a pessary which goes in the vagina and lifts the bladder. The symptom relief within a day was so dramatic that we decided it is worth doing the surgery. I could opt to just keep using the pessary but that comes with it’s own issues (infection from being taken in out, it pushes on the bladder and rectal walls which isn’t the most comfortable, things like that) and since I’m younger and the surgery should be a permanent solution it’s the best option for me. It’s an outpatient procedure, and recovery is 6 weeks with the first 1-2 being the toughest (aka the most painful). The good news is after those two weeks I should be able to do things like more at home like I usually do and do more activities like go out or cook dinner regularly. I won’t be able to exercise, lift more than ten lbs, take a bath (yes I can shower, you won’t be able to smell me a mile away) or put anything in the vagina. Fortunately I’m on birth control that let’s me skips my period for several months at a time so I won’t have to deal with that during those 6 weeks.
That about covers the technical and medical side of the situation and surgery. From here on out I’ll be talking more candidly about how I’m feeling right now, so beware that large amounts of panic and swearing are about to ensue.
As an alternative, please enjoy this corgi video that I’ve been sharing everywhere for the last week: Tatyo Stuck in a Box
People, they are fucking cutting open my vaginal wall tomorrow. I am going to have STITCHES in my vagina. That I can’t see. That I can’t put hydrogen peroxide on to check for infection. That I will be massively terrified of tearing because I don’t do well with incisions in my body and again I Can’t Fucking See this one. You may or may not of heard about my massive anxiety during my back surgery recovery that involved being afraid to shower alone because what if the glue dissolved and my back split open. You know, from that tiny one inch incision I had. That I could at least check in the mirror. But I was so paranoid that any move I made would pull it open and I was an anxious mess for the first week. You would think that after that surgery, and a c-section (which was a huge incision, but I could see the damn thing, and an episiotomy that I’d be able to handle this shit by now. Nope. Oh and did I mention that you expect vaginal bleeding after this surgery that can be akin to what you’d see with a regular period? So I can’t even use a lack of blood as an indication that everything is fine. I’ve been told that if I soak a pad in an hour I should call. Because that is so reassuring. Massive TMI: I’m even scared that I’m going to blow stitches pooping. I’m scared to shit people.
I’m going back and forth from freaking out because I feel like I don’t have the time to mentally and practically prepare, and knowing sooner is better than later because then it will be over sooner. I need to go Target or some similar store. I need to make a list of post surgical questions I wanted to ask beforehand but not there might not be time to talk to a nurse. I’m not sure how dinners and having the kids around after school is going to work because I’m a freaking bitch when I’m in pain. The plans we had for the kids on the day of surgery no longer work and I’m not sure if I’ll be ok with russ having to leave the house to pick them up. Or get dinner. Or what if they stay in the house while he gets dinner? These are some of the things flying through my head right now.
PS- If you happen to come see me and my butt looks bulky, it’s because my plan to rock the hell out some depends. I did that post babies, and it worth not ruining my undies with potentially errant bleeding. Plus we have a new couch. Crap, are my current clothes even going to be comfortable. I wear a lot of leggings and though they aren’t terrible tight ones, I’m not sure I want any pressure on my crotch for the next few days. I have very few skirts anymore because I lost weight last year and they were all falling off. Uhhhhhh, maybe Target will have something. Or at least have really bulky sweats. Or pjs. I don’t know.
Shall we end this on a particularly obnoxious note? Here is what is currently running through my head. It’s to the tune of Baby Elephant Walk.
“They are going to slice up my vagina
They are going slice up my vagina
Ow, ow-ow, ow ow ow, ow, ow-ow
Slice up, girl parts
This is really gonna suck-a”
Ok, love you guys, that’s for hanging through all this. Updates regularly on FB, and hopefully another long post here when I feel up to it.
Oh wait! Fyi, last time I was so loopy after surgery that I bought makeup at 3am and didn’t remember doing so until it turned up on my doorstep. So if I say something weird or incoherent on any of your social media account tomorrow or wednesday, that is probably why. I will try to keep the damage to a minimum.